Day 5: Wishful Thinking Part III

Hello, Dear!

Here are the things I have already learned about my relationships:

  • Friendships are like little rooms in our hearts
  • The rooms of friendship have  hidden doors, but the knobs are clearly visible by both people in the friendships.
  • In most friendships I try to keep the door to the friendship room cracked because I don’t want my friend to think they are trapped in the room.
  • My friends know where the doorknob is (learned this one the hard way)
  • I used to make the people I try to help and counsel my best friends (killing 2 birds with one stone. Close friend while keeping that person I am trying to help close as well)
  • Trying to push people out of the way because I assign an abundance of expectation to them.
  • When people promise to stick around, those people and I find a way for them to break that promise.

This is the thought I was left pondering. Why do I ask people to promise to stick around? I thought about it and I realized that most people don’t make a promise to stick around until after I have asked them to or asked them if they intend on leaving. I make people promise me things they cannot keep. To disappoint me.

I like it when people fail me. It proves the point that I don’t have to trust people because they cannot be trusted. This is a sad realization.

I have often asked people to be more to me than they can be. I have often questioned people for ever being in my life in the first place. They have to be able to explain why in the world they would want to be in my life. Because sometimes, the truth is I don’t even want to be in my life. I don’t enjoy myself or value myself so why would anyone else? Those are some of the harshest words I have ever had to digest and realize.

I need to start allowing people to be who they need to be in my life. To plan a future with the people in my world. To loosely hold to those plans. To not ask so much from everyone.

To stop asking people to fail me. To disappoint me. To stop playing the victim. Its time I stop being right. 

Stay tuned as I learn to swallow this enormous pill of truth.

Day 5 over. 1330 to go!

B

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