Dear Fall 2015,
How do I so accurately put you into words? I know. . .
YOU. ARE. THE. WORST.
I sat in class earlier this evening and received the news that (yet once again) I’ve fallen short of what’s required. I missed the goal. Undershot the target. This accurately describes the type of semester I am having. No matter the amount of time I invest in studying, the length of a study guide, the amount of research I do on a project, or the amount of time I spend with my fish. . . I am always a day late and a dollar short.
Be it, I missed a section of a chapter I was tested on, I made a careless mistake on a test, I made a formatting error (even after reviewing the paper several times), my research just isn’t good enough. I am always a day late and a dollar short. It has placed strain on my friendships and on my ability to maintain my own identity. I couldn’t measure up academically and I couldn’t measure up anywhere else either.
As I pondered this I realized that I should be trying hard, but the Lord doesn’t find my worth in my ability to create an assessment. My family doesn’t love me because my GPA is above a 3.5. My friends didn’t choose me because because I’m the best test taker.
Because truth is, I have allowed myself to only see worth in my grades. That’s how I have always measured my self-worth is because I’ve been an A/B student my entire life. I’ve not made a C as a final grade in a class since I’ve enrolled and I’m quite proud of myself for that. Its my sign that I’m good at what I’m studying. Yet, I have to realize that I am not the star of the class. I’m not the shining example and somehow I’ve fallen down into the middle of my class. But that has nothing to do with my worth.
So maybe this semester is ripping me to shreds. Maybe I’ve got a lot going on. And maybe this won’t be a semester I look back on with pride. But that doesn’t change the value I have in Christ. It doesn’t change the love my family has for me. And that has nothing to do with my friendships. College doesn’t last forever, and some day my GPA won’t even be something I can recall.